Mean spirited or just honest?
Today I had to drop off some things at my daughter's school and everything was fine. When my daughter came home, however, she said one of the boys in her class said, "Whoa! You're mom is F-A-T fat!" When she told me this I was completely floored. I tried to maintain some composure and I told her that he had bad manners and an ugly mouth (yeah, I could've tried a little harder). I asked her what she said and she shrugged her shoulders. I then asked how it made her feel and she said she was sad and almost cried.
Okay. First off I know this kid is like 5 or 6 years old, and at that age they can be brutally honest. But to spell out the word "fat"? It sounds like he repeated a comment he heard elsewhere. Now the "Psycho Stalker Mom" in me wants to go back and review the school awards ceremony video tapes, find this kid's last name, Google up a phone number and call his parents. But then the "Almost Sane Mom" says to just let it slide...kids will be kids.
I'm going to talk with her more in the morning and ask if anything else was said. When she told me, DH was sitting right there, and with tears welling up in my eyes I felt it wasn't the right time to handle the situation.
My question to all of the other overweight moms... Would you talk to the parents? The teacher? Just let it slide? I'm afraid that if I raise a big enough stink then this might haunt my daughter for years. With her being so sensitive already, she's an easy target for bullies and making a big deal out of this could give them more ammo.
Now more than ever, I have to lose this weight. :-(
Okay. First off I know this kid is like 5 or 6 years old, and at that age they can be brutally honest. But to spell out the word "fat"? It sounds like he repeated a comment he heard elsewhere. Now the "Psycho Stalker Mom" in me wants to go back and review the school awards ceremony video tapes, find this kid's last name, Google up a phone number and call his parents. But then the "Almost Sane Mom" says to just let it slide...kids will be kids.
I'm going to talk with her more in the morning and ask if anything else was said. When she told me, DH was sitting right there, and with tears welling up in my eyes I felt it wasn't the right time to handle the situation.
My question to all of the other overweight moms... Would you talk to the parents? The teacher? Just let it slide? I'm afraid that if I raise a big enough stink then this might haunt my daughter for years. With her being so sensitive already, she's an easy target for bullies and making a big deal out of this could give them more ammo.
Now more than ever, I have to lose this weight. :-(
posted by Jen @ 8:23 PM
4 Comments:
At 11:25 PM,
TitanThirteen said…
I have a childcare degree so i can assure you that Kids that age are very open about differences in people as they are just finding the differences in people.And they have no concept of consideration or tact at this age. If the teacher heard that, she definatly would have addressed it. Because of the spelling out, he would have heard that from someone else for sure. An older sibling perhaps?
Please don't take it to heart.
To this age group, if you aren't super skinny, you must be fat. Unfortunatly, it's the first difference they observe [before skin colour]
If you kick up a fuss, it could blow out of hand. And is it worth it?
Just tell your daughter not to be upset. You were right in saying that he had bad manners and an ugly mouth. If you get upset in front of her, it will probably increase her sensitivity to it.
When a kid at school says something to one of my kids about me being fat, they just say stuff like, "Oh Yea? Well you stink!" lol
If other kids see that it's not a problem, they usualy don't say anything again.
Unfortunatly kids are nasty whether they mean to be or not, and if they find a sore nerve, they'll play on it for as long as they can!
If your daughter says something again, Just laugh and say, "That's their problem. Don't worry about it :o)" And move on to a positive subject.
Kids ask me all the time why i'm "so fat". One kid asked once if i have 24 babies in my tummy. lol
I just say that my mum let me have McDonalds [or lollies] every time i asked for it. That makes them think. And i bet i'm the topic of conversation the next time they drive past maccas lol
This boy wasn't being mean. He was just making a 5yo observation. If you and your daughter don't draw attention to it, it shouldn't happen again [from this kid]
You are great for using it as further motivation for keeping going :o)
At 12:35 AM,
Wanna_B_slimmer said…
I agree with CF.... this is just how 90% of kids see us....
F.A.T....
Nothing we can say ro do is really going to change that...
Just support your daughter and remind yourself how far you have come... maybe that child has a mom that is uber scrawny..and anything over 140 lbs is classed as fat so we will never win..
Just seriosuly dont take it to heart... remember we were kids once.. and I for one remember thinking in primary school that timmys mum was frikkin huge... and she was probably no bigger than I was at my biggest 18 months ago!!
At 9:21 PM,
Foodie Girl said…
F.A.T.
Foxy And Thunderstriking
Don't worry hot mamma. He's five. Your daughter will eat him for dinner in about 20 years. :)
At 5:44 PM,
FatMom said…
Hey, Jen, that is a tough one to hear! I know it very well. I can't tell you how many times my kindergarteners have asked: "Do you have a baby in your tummy?" Or, I had one say: "I love you, FatMom...you're fat, just like my mom!" I always tell kids that people come in all different shapes, sizes and colors. And isn't that great? The world would be pretty boring if we were all the same. Let it go...
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